There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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