forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
