I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
