A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i now understand why vodka
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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