and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
