I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize