Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
