if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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