hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
