I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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