I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
