in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
