Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
