So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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