Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
