are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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