you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
