All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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