She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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