I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
