just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
