Nicole vs. Life
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
