Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
