i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
