Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
