I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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