i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
