I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
