forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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