I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
