My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
