Just cropdusted the office
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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