you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
