take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
