Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
