i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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