just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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