Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize