Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will pee on everything he values.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
