oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
