you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
