so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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