apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
