Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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