the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
please don't ironically join a cult
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