dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
