Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
