just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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