i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
