He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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