Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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