I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize