I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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