we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Never joke about your clitoris.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
