oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
