What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
