I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
