your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
