I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
