He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
