Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I smell stomach acid.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
