I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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