This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
