everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
