He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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