I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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