I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
