I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
