OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
