so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
