wanna go halves on a baby?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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